It’s Thursday and both my kids are at school. The house is quiet, and I thought I’d share a post that’s been on my mind. I didn’t grow up dreaming about being a mom, it was definitely not a natural thing for me. I struggled with a lack of excitement during my pregnancies, and plenty of fear and doubt after my first was born. The most unwelcome thing I ever heard as a new mom, was ‘you’re going to miss this.’ When you are in the thick of the difficult years (yes, I know they are all difficult in different ways), it can be very hard to hear that one day you will look back on this time and regret that you didn’t cherish it enough. Intellectually, you know that missing the baby years is going to happen, but that doesn’t make living in the moments any easier. Often times when I’m doing my best to drink in my kids and have quality time doing fun, thoughtful activities, that is when their behavior is the worst! It’s so hard for me to deal with the disappointment when things don’t go as planned. But I still try, and I do my best. When I have free time, I often get lost for hours going through the thousands (many many thousands!) of photos I’ve taken of my boys since I became a mom. And I do cry, I do miss it. I am crying a bit while typing this blog post! I remember their little voices and their squishy butts. I get sad when I store away or donate the outgrown clothes.
I recently closed a door to the baby years when I decided it was time to upgrade 4-year-old Zach to a big kid bed and get rid of the crib and glider we’ve had for 8 years. We’ve had them in three homes now, and it was hard to let them go. From Ashford’s amazing nursery in our Racine, WI colonial, to Ashford’s tiny (unfinished) room in our Eagan, MN house, and finally Zach’s nursery in our current Palatine home, these pieces have been well used and loved.
My mom recovered that hand me down glider in the fabric I picked out, and she also made the incredible crib skirts for each of my boys. I am so grateful to her for making motherhood more special for me, in so many ways! It was SO hard to put that stuff away. We are 100% not having any more kids, so the glider was sold, and the crib was given to a friend in need. I have so many great memories with this furniture!
I wanted to capture a few images of Zach in the space before I dismantled everything. It was more emotional than I thought it would be.
We took some together, and some of him alone. I have logged so many hours rocking my babies in this chair!
The crib has served us well, both boys slept in it until at least age 3, and I’m grateful I have so many beautiful photos of them in it.
After everything was taken out, the room was so bare. It felt strange to not see that crib after so many years. 
I can’t believe Zach is already 4! He wanted some photos with his new stuffy, and I never say no to that.
He thought he’d help me build the bed, but it didn’t go much farther than checking out the instructions and then wandering away. He sure looked cute, though. 
It took me FOUR hours to build this bed from Ikea! I liked that I can turn it upside down and use it as a bunk bed when he’s big enough. 
We added his cute new friend and some old favorites to make him feel more at home. 
As cute as it is, he still doesn’t like sleeping in here a month later. We find him sleeping in his brother’s room often, so it’s a work in progress.
At the end of the day, I do miss my babies as babies, but I also don’t hate myself if I wish them older five times a day. It’s all part of the process, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
* Sara Hilton offers Palatine lifestyle photography all year round. Sara is known for beautiful and dramatic outdoor photography, but also offers intimate sessions inside client’s homes. Sara currently lives in Palatine with her family: a husband who loves That 70’s Show, a seven year old son who is an amazing artist, and a four year old son who gives the best bear hugs. Sara is currently booking family, graduating senior, in-home sessions, personal branding sessions, commercial photography, and events in Palatine, Arlington Heights, Wheeling, Lake Zurich, and all of the surrounding suburbs. *
